Letting go.

My ability to share, to communicate, to express emotions, have always been on the low end of all the other abilities that I have. Through difficult times, I've come to realize that quiet tears are such a crucial form of expression. The beauty of tears equals to the beauty of releasing that very emotion right then and there.

Every time there is a new in my life, good or bad, or some sort of change, the first people I can't wait to share the news with are my roommates. But this time, I didn't want to send those e-mail threads where we'd reply back and forth through words on a computer screen because that's the only way we can all reach each other at the same time. This time, I didn't want to share with them, with anyone. Many days I curl into the bed when the sun is out and cry. Many parts of the day I'd walk on campus surrounded by 30,000 other people, but feel alone...holding back my tears and failing at it. And even though I was preparing for the possibility for years, and the process was fast, but gradual at the same time...it's not like it hit me out of no where...but it wasn't like I was prepared for it either. So tell me, how do you prepare your heart to never see someone again? When will you on longer be forced to hold back your tears when they cross your mind? How do I remember her as she was when all I want to do is to not remember her and just be able to wrap her in my arms when I see her.

So my life is changing lanes. Damn it's been a hard week. 2010 is the year of tears.

P.S. Na noi, I'll still be bringing my cap and gown to take a picture with you in May. And you'll still be the first aunt to meet my partner when the time comes.

In my Loving Memory